The eyes have it

Because for me, there is no such thing as a short story, here was my day.
Wait.  It's got to start with last night.  Actually, the part that makes me overreact to everything started many years ago and keeps getting worse, if you get my drift.  So.  Last night.  The girls sang "Picture a Christmas" for the Relief Society Christmas dinner.  I wanted them to look nice.  The first dresses I pulled out of the black bags (see lice story) were their matching Easter dresses.  I washed and dried them with plenty of time.  Of course, in my selfish desire to see them representing our family with flare, I had forgotten that these are the itchy painful dresses that they hate.  The crying and wailing was tremendous.  I was adamant.  They could surely wear the dresses for an hour or so.  Sure enough, they could and did.  They sang beautifully, but not before pushing every button I have:  "She's touching me!"  "Why can't we all have different books!"  "They are mouthing the words to my solo!"  Dance, dance, dance.  Tap, tap, tap.  Find a microphone and pretend to be a diva.  Whew!  So that ended, but my nerves were frazzled. 
This morning the older four kids had eye appointments.  Dan still had to work, so I had Heidi, too.  Hooray!  Five kids at the optometrist!  I finally got everyone ready and out the door.  We got there with minutes to spare.  Boris, the lens shaper guy comes right up to me and says, "Is it winter or summer outside?"  I was thinking he was conversing about the weather.  So I said something about the gorgeous day, but that it was still pretty cold.  He said, "No, no.  I know it is winter, but your kids look like it is summer."  No one was in shorts.  Malynn was in short sleeves, but everyone else had long sleeves and pants on.  The girls were all in their little Costco sheepskin lined boots.  BUT!  We hadn't donned our coats for the lo-o-ong trek from the Suburban to the office.  I quickly caught where he was going with his raised eyebrows.  I explained how I hated ending up packing around 5 coats when it took us not 5 minutes to get from the car to the store.  Boris could not let it go.  He brought over a calendar to show me that indeed, today was the first day of WINTER.  grumble, grumble.....
The order of exams.  Sophie, Malynn, Alison, Morgan.  She sent out a prescription for Sophie.  I assumed she needed glasses, so we started looking at frames while the others had their exams.  We found the perfect ones.  Meanwhile, Heidi finds Malynn's moon sand that was sneakily put in the backpack of wonders, and starts spreading it hither an yon.  Alison is crooning Christmas carols while she lays and rolls all over the floor.  All this took place between the minutes they tried on every pair of frames within their reach and fought over the pretty, sparkly ones.  In other words, we made ourselves right at home.  Oh, how I wish our home was a little more peaceful and I didn't care how my kids behave.  I whispered to Malynn my disgust that she would even think to pack moon sand to the Dr's and made her pick it all up off of the floor.  I thanked her for doing a good job of getting it cleaned up.  Then the secretary (not Boris) pipes in with, "I know you were upset with her for bringing the Playdoh, but she did a good job of cleaning it up and you should thank her."  GAH!!!!  I did!  Malynn said, "No you didn't."  This would also be the girl that clearly hears me say, don't come out of that bathroom until you've taken a shower ( I know this because she wails and says she doesn't want to and promises she'll do it in the morning/night), and then pretends that she has no idea that any such request has been made of her AND she's smart enough to waste time until there is no more time for her to do what I asked her to do. 
The optometrist calls me back after she finishes Alison and Malynn.  Alison and Sophie don't need glasses yet since their vision problems are so small.  Soph stood in the corner and cried copious tears at this point, which really bothered Boris.  Malynn is starting in on her genetic trip to blindness, so she is getting reading glasses.  Morgan's right eye is needing help, but his left eye is fine.  Oh, yeah.  And he's color blind.  Really?!  I mean, seriously.  This is Pearle Vision we're talking about here. 
Tonight I pulled out some tests from online.  He cannot see the difference in the colors when they are all jumbled together in those tests.  From the reading I did, it seems he has Deuteranomaly colorblindness where green hues tend to move towards reds.  I asked him questions like, "What color is your blanket upstairs?"  He knows that is green.  However, when there was a green seven made up of dots amid a bunch of reddish yellowish dots, he couldn't find the green.  On a couple of the test circles he could clearly see a number that wasn't there until I really looked hard and put my eyes a little off center like you do for those eye puzzles and I could see the numbers he could see.  So, I guess madame optometrist knew what she was talking about.
We left Pearle Vision, still with no coats, braving the bitter cold temperatures of 42 degrees, walking miles and miles to the Suburban, with me contemplating which child I would eat if we had to Donner Party it.  We hit Krispy Kreme doughnuts on the way home.  Fa-yoo.  Much needed sugar in my system and Heidi's sweet, chubby legs are safe from my munchies yet another day.