Or burn the house down.
This post is not for anyone who is as faint of heart as I am. The hairs on my thighs are still standing on end and my back keeps quivering in compulsory shivers.
Today after shopping at Costco, I was backing the Suburban up the driveway. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied my enemy. My nemesis. My kryptonite. I thought to myself, "Hmmm.... that's a rather large spider." I bravely (yes, because my automatic reaction is for the feet to move away) approached it. It was shiny and black. It had a tiny head and a large abdomen. I may have screamed.
I opened the front door and threw Heidi in the house. Again. This was an act of bravery because my instinct is to run away, leaving all small children and women to face the danger alone. I went over to my neighbor (not Kristen) because we have a working agreement. She takes care of my spiders and I send Morgan over to take care of her snakes.
At first we couldn't find the spider. Like all of its kind, it was not where I left it. I was kind of doing that running in place/climbing a mountain move while she looked for it. Something scurried out of the garage. I may have screamed again. She said, "Oh, that's not a black widow, that's a brown recluse." The hairs on my thighs, which had been standing at attention, grew a few inches and poked through my capris. She grabbed Dan's shovel and started whacking at it. It scurried back into the garage, out of reach, behind Dan's shelf full of camping equipment. She looked back and said, "Oh, you have a whole nest of them back here."
Meanwhile, I saw the black widow scurry out from a crack in the garage door. At the time I thought I was fairly calm, but I'm sure I was not. She killed it with the shovel. And then. SHE. PICKED. IT. UP. WITH. HER. FINGERS. AND. EXAMINED. IT. I probably would have fainted if I wasn't running away screaming. She said it wasn't a black widow--no red hourglass. It's a house spider.
Not MY house.
And so.
Dan says he'll clean out the garage and take care of the problem. He probably knows I will never step foot in there again.
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1 comment:
I am laughing only because I would do the same thing. In fact, last week my daughter discovered a spider on our wall, she screamed, I panicked and I told her she would have to to kill it. She picked up MY shoe and smashed it, I don't know if I can wear those shoes again. Ever. But they are my favorite black dress shoes, maybe I will forget by the time I actually need to wear them. --Christi
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