Ups and Downs

If you don't know already, you may have guessed that our family's lives are in flux right now.  Dan still doesn't have a job yet and we (I) have begun questioning if we are even praying for the right thing.  Our needs are rather specific.  I won't go in to all of them, but just one is me.  Strangely, and sadly, enough, it is better for us to be on unemployment and state insurance for now.  The state covers all of my medical needs, albeit begrudgingly and like pulling out perfectly fine grown up teeth.  Whatever job Dan gets, it has to either provide really good insurance or pay enough that we can afford to get really good insurance.  By myself, without insurance, I cost $4000 a month.  McDonald's, Walmart, or ditch digging simply don't cover that.
Sometimes the heavens are a lot more silent than I would like.  The blessings which buoy us up are easy to find.  It's the answers that are needed and that are in short supply.
So, we've decided to prepare ourselves and house for a move.  That doesn't mean we will leave our home of 10 years, but we want to be ready if/when the time comes.
At first it seemed like this decision was a way to take back some control of our lives and situation.  We were making a determination. We spent a week and a half working on the yard.  We raked up loads of moss, pulled out all of the rocks that had been dumped in various places, trimmed bushes, and had mortal combat with spiders.  We tried to level things out as best as possible.  We got rid of our water barrels, the canoe, and our garden boxes-- all things that broke us a little more inside, but that we can't move with us.  We put down 5 yards of bark and planted new grass seed.  The weather held long enough for us to get everything done we needed to accomplish and then it graciously started to rain.
Up.
Then the sparrows, the junkos, the chickadees, and the robins descended.  Yay!  Grass seed smorgasbord.
Then we had a windstorm that knocked all of the dead cedar fronds out of the trees, coating all of the grass seed and the fresh bark.
Down.
Today I looked out at the back yard and there is a sheen of spring green over what was previously empty space.
Up.
Meanwhile, I moved on to painting my kitchen cabinets.  About 4 years ago, I made Dan help me put bead board on the cabinet faces and we painted everything white with a Rustoleum kit. I put on blue glass knobs that made my heart happy.  Over the ensuing years, the paint wore away around the handles.  Where ever heat radiated on to the surfaces (a kitchen remember), the "protective" coating that came with the kit turned yellow.
Since we had supplies left over from the first time, I just used their base paint again. The cabinets covered nicely and were so pretty again.
Up.
 Then we decided to get a nice quality polyethylene coat.   We got it and I applied it to the faces of the cabinets. They turned yellow.  Completely streaked and yellow.  Now I have to strip them and repaint everything.
Down.
General Conference helped.
Up.
Until they kept talking about it taking years for our trials to be resolved and the endurance that takes.
Down.
I know that it will all work out.  I know that it will.  I know that it probably won't look anything like what I think will make us the happiest.  That is really very hard.
I know it will work out.
Up.