Yearning

I've discovered that life is pretty full of yearning.  I was reading a friend's blog and the feelings of jealousy yearning arose in my ample chest.  She was spending time with her husband, all by herself.  I would like to do that.  Our date last night was to the evening session of Stake Conference.  Dan spent the minutes before talking scouts to a fellow scout leader and afterwards we scooted right out.  Dan hates to be caught in traffic.  We went out to ice cream after (mmm.... sweet cream w/ raspberries) and were stopped by other members of our church, but not from our stake.  We chatted with them for a minute in the freezing cold.  The man was obsessed with round abouts.  The conversation veered away and he would pull it right back.  People in WA do not know the first thing about round abouts.  Period.  We got home from our "date" to find the house in ruins.  The kids were running around screaming (obviously NOT asleep) in various states of undress.  Food on the floor.  No dishes done.  Heidi's whole toy box dumped on the stairs, along with every elastic band we own.  I guess not every one.....  there are still quite a few tangled up in My Little Ponys' manes and Barbies' Afros.  I felt like crying.  So much for any kind of spiritual high.  So much for our "date".  I yearn for the time when I can leave with Dan, actually spend time with him, and not come home to a bigger mess than what I left.
I spent a big part of my young adulthood yearning for these days.  I would have a perfect husband who would some day be a mission president.  I would have perfect children all dressed so perfectly.  I would be perfect, or at least the Relief Society President, which, as we all know, is pretty darn close to perfect.  I spent a lot of post mission time immersed in the scriptures.  I studied a lot, confident that the ability and desire to do so would always be with me. 
Life is life.  It's messy and dirty and seldom follows our own plans.  It's probably a good thing.  I would be awfully insufferable by now if everything had turned out the way I wanted.  I'm fairly certain that I remained unwed as long (dramatic Mormon single young adult female sigh) as I did because I was intimidating  insufferable. 
Awhile back I read an article about an amazing woman who took the disappointment of not marrying and turned the pain of that into a lifetime of service to children in war torn countries.  I watch my sister-in-law and her husband suffering because they can't have children, yet know that they couldn't be in the position to take care of family members with real needs if they had a passel of children underfoot.  I hate that they have to bear those burdens, but they are an amazing couple because of it.  They are also growing in ways together that most couples have to wait for until all of the cuckoos have flown the nest. 
I guess my point is, that we all have sorrows.  We all have burdens.  We all suffer through a life that isn't always of our choosing.  Yearning comes naturally.  It's what we do with the yearning that counts.  I have the choice to count my blessings that I have a house full of destructive children.  I have the choice to find time amidst the chaos to fill my soul with gospel study.  I have the choice to make what little time I have alone with Dan count, instead of spending watching a few hours of mind numbing TV.