I'm of two minds

Since this topic is in the air, I'm going to add my 54 cents to the issue. I know no one cares what I think, but it will help me to analyze my own feelings. Phoebe...... where are the parents?! It's all fine and dandy to blame it on the school, but where are the parents? I see 9-10 year olds walking around town and think, "Where are your parents?" I come home from shopping on Saturdays and find my kids running around in the culdesac, with no shoes, barely covered and think, "Where is your father?" Today Heidi came down coated from head to toe in an entire tube of toothpaste and I thought, "Where is your mother?!" (her breath was not minty fresh, so I'm pretty sure she just smeared it in her hair, on her face, on her neck-- that's burned bright red from it-- and down her tummy. Geesh! Where was her mother?)
I watched Disney's new made for tv show "Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars" yesterday. It disturbed me. A lot. Harriet was portrayed as a completely selfish, self- centered girl, the odd one out, but still self assured with angst for her teenage nemesis, the vindictive and stereotypically popular Marion. Usually, the heroine is likable, despite her flaws. I didn't find this one so. Through her actions, she nearly ruined an actor's sanity (sure, he was an idiot anyway), almost got her father fired and landed him with a lawsuit (from said idiot actor), turned her back on her friends, and spitefully ended her relationship with her best friend, the nanny. The mother was a twit and a great original for what her daughter was becoming. In the end it was all okay, though, because Harriet was a great writer. Dad didn't mind facing potential job loss and a crippling lawsuit. Mom saw the light and decided to pay attention to her daughter. Golly, the nanny, was proud of her. The actor got a better acting job because he showed a different side. Vindictive girl gets in trouble and loses the blog war. La, la, la, la, la. What the...?! Are you kidding me? Who wrote this?
No wonder kids are confused about limits and their rights. The scriptures aren't far off when they speak of it being a bad idea for children to be in control. I know I often feel overwhelmed and throw my hands up in the air and say, "I'm doing the best I can." Am I really? Really, truly? Am I making the sacrifices to get into my children's classrooms so I am aware of what is going on? Am I listening when they talk endlessly of nothing in particular? Am I teaching them good life skills? So many things side track me. TV, my sweet, sweet mistress and on call babysitter. The computer, saucy little minx vying for my time. I say I don't have time for things, but if I were to cut my obsessions out, I bet I'd get more done and lose weight while I'm at it.
So here's where my two minds come in. Where is the fine line between hovering and quality parenting? Three of my kids are high maintenance children. If they don't have something to do, every minute of every day, they will find themselves in a boatload of mischief. Sometimes it's harmless, but other times it ends in tears and Malynn in the emergency room. I am only one person. I cannot be everywhere for them, making sure they aren't gluing their fingers together nor can I think of everything to put on a list of "not to dos". The other two learn by watching and making wise decisions.... sometimes.
The dangers our children face are different from the ones I did. I grew up terrified of "kidnapper vans", but seriously, that wasn't a threat in the sticks of Idaho. We roamed our home acreage at will, jumping off of things that would make me wet my pants now (although that's not a measurement of terror-- I wet my pants whenever I sneeze), playing in ditches, and throwing objects at each other. There are a few moments of those growing up years where I think "Where was my mother?", but mostly we took our freedom for granted and lived the high life. Okay, so there was the forced labor that took up most of our summer days, but still.... we had time by ourselves. We all turned out to be okay.
How come I can't let go of my kids? Is it healthy the way we cling to them and protect them? Is this part of the reason young adults are having such a hard time growing up and taking responsibility for themselves? I don't know. I do know that there is a strange car always parked by the nearest play area with people approaching it and walking away after a moment's conversation. Transients live by the trail that meanders right behind my house and in past summers, there have been fight clubs on that trail, not 500 yards from our house. So when I tell that certain daughter of mine to be smart and not dance on the street corner or sell her toys to strangers, I think there is a reason to fear. However, my fears turn into micro-managed family outings that end with me angry (because no one listens to me) and everyone else upset (because they can't listen to the voices in their heads suggesting that they dance close to the open fire pit while we are camping).
What to do?